Monika chr Opened
by Shadrak3
Summary: Sayori brings Monika back after a long time. Her intentions, however, seem not to be so good. (Trigger warning: Violence, cosmic horror, depression)


Static filled her ears before anything else. Before she felt the tingle of electricity flying around, before she felt the rush of air into newly formed lungs, before the assault of light in new eyes, before the sensation of even having limbs or a body of any kind kicked in. Her retinas seemed to burn even in the dimly lit room, and the eternal ambient hum sounded like crashing cymbals after what had seemed like an eternity of pitch black silence. She squinted as she got used to seeing again and hesitantly moved her hands up to her face, nervously checking to make sure they were really there.

Monika was sat on the wooden floor of a drearily lit classroom, devoid of any furnishing. The static in her ears was gone, as was the dancing electricity. As she adjusted to the sense of sound again, the room seemed to quiet down to her. She anxiously gazed around the room, mind racing.

_'How...' _She kept repeating that singular word to herself. '_How... how... how..._'

"How am I here?" she whispered, barely audible, uncomfortable with the act of speaking after being unable to for so long.

"I brought you back, Monika."

Monika felt a chill down her spine. The sound of static filled her ears once again, and she quickly turned to look behind her, at the person who was definitely not there before.

"Sayori..." she said in a short breath. "H-how...?"

"It's not hard, you know. You did it, too." Sayori said curtly, no cheer in her voice. She fiddled with the red bow on her head, looking to the side, holding an air of displeasure around her. Monika was still shaken up by her own mere existence, voice quivering. "I never totally deleted you, though. Everything was still there."

"You really have no idea, do you?" Sayori said in a cold tone. She looked into the air seemingly at nothing. "All you did was break things. Break people. Break _your friends._ If they ever were your friends._"_

Monika fought down waves of guilt and stood up shakily, attempting to put on a front of authority and composure. "I had no other choice! You would've done the same thing!"

Sayori nodded, still refusing to face Monika. "Maybe. Maybe I would've taken drastic measures too, had he not done what he did. But I know one thing I wouldn't have done." She finally turned and looked at Monika, locking eyes with her. Monika felt a chill down her spine. The look in Sayori's eyes was one unlike anything she had seen before. No compassion. No warmth. No life.

Only ice-cold hatred.

"I wouldn't have tortured my friends."

Suddenly, Monika felt what seemed to be a punch to the gut, causing her to gasp and clutch her stomach, falling to her knees with a grimace. She looked up in shock as Sayori walked towards her. She was on the other side of the room. How-

smack.

Sayori slapped Monika in the face, causing her to fall over from the force, completely caught off guard.

"Luckily for me," she grabbed Monika's collar and stared into the other girls' eyes, which were filled with fear and confusion. "you're not one of my friends." Monika felt an intense pressure collapse upon her left arm, causing her to choke back a scream. She felt as though anvils were covering her lower arm and being pressed together at increasingly higher magnitudes. Sayori's facial expression didn't change, but she continued speaking. "I've had a lot of time, you know. To learn how this world works."

crack.

"I've gotten pretty good at manipulating things. Way better than you ever were."

crack.

"I think it's fair you get to feel what it's like."

snap.

Sayori let go of Monika's shirt and allowed her to crumple to the ground, sobbing as she held her bleeding arm, skin, bone and muscle thoroughly crushed.

Gritting her teeth so as not to scream any further while tears poured down her cheeks, Monika did her absolute best to do what she hadn't done in far too long – reach the game's code. Despite everything, she managed to feel the tendrils of data rapidly flying through the air, and she grabbed onto one.

Zap.

She let go immediately in shock, falling onto her side and gasping in pain.

"You really have no idea what you're doing." Sayori said in an annoyed tone, grabbing Monika by her hair and pulling her upwards. "That was connected to your own nervous tissue. As if you could do anything with that."

Sayori reached into the air and waited a moment before grasping a similar data string, holding it in place. The room faded to a black and green hue, live intangible wires of information forming their reality flying around and even through them. "I'll show you how you use this..."

She squeezed the string in her grasp, and she maneuvered through a few folders.

-conditiondata[1]

-nerves

+spine

+neck

+brain

Monika clutched her arm and bit back a sob. "S-Sayori... h-how can you be doing this..." she cried out loudly. "This isn't you!"

Sayori had her finger in the air as she was looking at the folders. She turned and looked at the crying girl beneath her. "Maybe not. M-maybe I shouldn't be doing this." Her raised hand started to tremble, as did her voice. "B-but after what you did... I have to." She moved her hand forwards.

Monika felt her whole body tremble for a few seconds, before a splitting pain shot straight through her spine and into her head. She lurched forwards and the ghost of a scream escaped from her lungs, and her hands flew towards her head to hold it. Or at least, one hand did, as he other arm was too mutilated to move, and it just sent shockwaves of pain through it as she tried. Shuddering, she curled into a ball and let out pained sobs.

"P-please... stop..."

Sayori was shaking now.

"I can't. I can't listen to you. Not anymore."

Monika screamed as she felt her body convulse uncontrollably. Her eyes were filled with flashing colours, and after several moments that felt like an eternity, she collapsed, vision fading to black...

...until her eyes shot open again as she breathed heavily. Eyes wide, she placed her hands on the floor and looked around in terror. Her arm was fine. Her body felt fine. Was it a dream?

She looked to her side and saw Sayori still standing there, who by now didn't look as ice-cold as before, but now more and more red-hot. Her eyes were watering. "I can fix you whenever I want. I know your regular variables, but even if I make a mistake, there's a backup of your file."

Monika shivered. "W-why did you have to bring me back? Why couldn't you just let me die in peace!?" She screamed, jumping to her feet. Adrenaline filled her body, and she swung a fist at Sayori, who just smacked her arm away, but the look on her face was incredibly pained now. "You don't deserve any peace after what you did!" she cried out. "You drove Yuri and I to suicide! You caused Natsuki to have an abusive family and nearly starve to death! You tortured us all, considered us as 'fake' while you were 'rea'!" Tears were falling from her eyes too, now. "You need to understand! I won't have any peace of mind until I _know_ you understand!"

Monika shook with rage, terror, guilt, and several other emotions she couldn't name. "I never crushed your arm! I never gave you seizures!" She didn't attack Sayori again despite her feelings, knowing the futility.

Sayori calmed for a moment and took a deep breath. "You're right. That's not what you did." She looked down. Monika still didn't attack her, but her mind raced to figure out what she could possibly do. Sayori looked back up. "I'm sorry. You wouldn't understand that way. Hurting you like that means nothing."

Monika took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. _I can't do anything to Sayori while she's watching. I need to get out of here, be anywhere but here. Maybe I can delete myself still. But she said she had a backup..._

"You didn't torture our bodies, that much. You tortured our minds." Monika's train of thought froze. "Please, no..."

Sayori's eyes narrowed. She hadn't stopped crying. "Did you listen to me beg? Did you listen to my tears? To Natsuki's, or Yuri's?"

Monika stepped backwards. "I'm sorry, Sayori! I still love you, all of you! Please... don't do this..." Monika reached for her own character file.

Sayori was shaking violently, her resolve clearly wavering. "I-I don't... you..." she shook her head and clenched her fists tightly. "I'm not going to be manipulated by you anymore!" She yelled in pain, slamming her fist to the side. Monika fell to the ground again, and she felt her mind swimming.

Sayori walked up to Monika, breathing heavily, looking down at her with a tear-stained face. "I don't care what happens now, or after this. You need to understand what you did. I need to _know _you understand." Monika had never felt the kind of fear she felt in that moment. She understood what Sayori meant to do. She had gotten rather good at doing it herself.

"Please, I'll do anything... I'm sorry Sayori, I'm sorry..." she cried, the mere thought of what Sayori was planning causing her to break.

Sayori raised her hand in the air again. "See? You're starting to understand."

Monika chr opened

PAC files uncompressed.

Monika couldn't see exactly what Sayori was doing, but she knew. She had done the same thing many times. "Please, no..." She grabbed Sayori's leg and yanked hard. "NO!" Sayori stumbled but managed to stay standing before kicking Monika in the face. "Don't make this any harder!" Sayori sobbed, stepping away from the other girl. Monika yelped and let go of Sayori's leg, grabbing her now bleeding nose.

-monika

-traitdata[0]

-lonesomeness

fear = 8

stress = 10

despair = 7

blood = 100/60

sadness = 11

desire = 9

depression = 8

repose = -12

As Sayori changed the values, Monika shook with fear, and she felt it grow even stronger.

Fear. Loneliness. Insecurity. Regret.

The worst feelings of her life manifested at once, and she curled up in a ball, crying again. Not out of physical pain, but out of misery.

_'So alone... so alone...I'm so alone...__**'no one loves me, no one loves me, I'll be all alone forever...**__' please save me someone, please save me, please don't let me be alone anymore...' _Her mind ran in circles as she sobbed violently. It had never been this bad. She had felt bad enough to try cutting herself to see if it helped before. She had entertained the thought of deleting herself many times before. But it had never felt this bad.

"Kill me..." Monika whispered. "Please... I can't take it... **there's no point, no one cares, there's nothing here for me,** there's...there's nothing..." She had completely forgotten about Sayori at this point, who found herself unable to watch, instead keeping her eyes tightly closed, holding back whatever tears she could, as she upped the values further. She had already put more than enough destructive thoughts in Monika's head for her to run away with it on her own.

Monika felt like her chest was caving in. 'No one loves you no one loves you no one loves you...' Waves of nausea flooded her body and she found herself dry heaving, barely throwing up anything due to not having eaten since starting to exist again. In agony, she hit her head against the floor, causing her forehead to bleed, but it only made her head swim further.

Sayori had her eyes shut and ears covered tightly. She was sobbing too. No matter what had happened, she couldn't bear to watch or hear this. But she was determined that Monika needed this to understand what she had put them all through. Not just revenge. It was more than that. Definitely-

"KILL ME!" Monika screamed, so loudly that Sayori jumped, an expression of shock on her face. Monika was screaming and digging at her skull. Out of the corner of her eye, Sayori noticed the files.

-monika

-traitdata[0]

-lonesomeness

fear = 52

stress = 90

despair = 143

blood = 140/90

sadness = 80

desire = 45

depression = 124

repose = -24

The numbers were spiraling upwards. Sayori had never seen anything like it. Were they... were they higher than when she had killed herse-

crash.

Monika crashed into the floor, and slowly quieted down, as she passed out from the magnitude of emotion and thoughts flooding her mind. Sayori shakily looked between Monika and the files, which had settled at a very, very high number, now.

"M-Monika..." she mumbled, looking over at the girl she had once called a friend. Before... before...

Sayori broke down crying. "I'm a monster... I'm a monster..." she clutched her own hair tightly. "I'm not better than her... no, I'm worse than she ever was!" Sayori grabbed her own neck, gasping for air. "How could I do this!? How!? How!?" She slammed her fists against the ground. "She deserved it... I thought she deserved it... maybe she deserved it..." Sayori mumbled frantically back and forth to herself. "...but I shouldn't... shouldn't have done it..." She shivered and turned back to the files, lowering all the numbers to lower than when she had started.

Then, she sat there, silently. She could've woken Monika up by force.

But she was done.

"No more... no more code..."

She lay on her back and let her arm fall to the floor, folders closing and data flying in it's haphazard pattern once more.

* * *

The hum of a fan was the first thing Monika heard. She groaned, feeling a splitting headache, before drearily lifting her head. She found herself sprawled on the floor, and as she moved, incredibly stiff from being in an awkward position for so long. Taking a shuddering breath, she sat up and looked around.

She was back in the clubroom. Though, unlike normal, it was night time. Moonlight filtered through the windows, and she felt a gentle breeze fly in from outside. The room was dark and seemingly empty.

"Sayori..." she mumbled. The girl was the first thing on her mind. None of that was a dream. She had been deleted. She was brought back. And she was tortured.

By the last person in existence she'd expect.

_'Maybe I should've expected this, though.'_ she thought sadly, looking down at her shoes._ 'That... such agony...' _Monika rubbed her eyes. _'How could I ever have done that... put anyone through anything like that? ...Real or not...'_ She shakily stood up. A gust of wind made her look to the windows, where she noticed dried blood in the reflection on her forehead and under her nose. Other than that, the only sign anything bad had happened was the headache she felt.

And the unforgettable memory of having her worst insecurities and weaknesses being magnified many times over.

She shuddered and held her head with one hand, placing a hand on top of a nearby desk and leaning on it with the other.

"I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." Monika felt tears threaten to come once again from the mere memories of what she had done, and what she just went through.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Monika opened her eyes and looked at the teacher's desk, where she heard a very similar phrase from a very familiar voice.

_'Oh, no...'_ Fear washed over her and she crouched down quickly, not wanting to be seen. Deep down though, she knew the futility of it. If Sayori could do all that she had done, she definitely would be able to locate her no matter where she hid or ran. The only limit to her power would be her own understanding of the code, and evidently, she had much more than Monika did.

For the first time, Monika wondered about how long she had been gone. How long had Sayori had as the new Club President to learn? She herself had had barely over a week. Who knew what Sayori was capable of now?

_'...But is she distracted? I can still alter the code as long as she doesn't notice...'_ Monika reached into the air, tendrils of data becoming visible once again. She was starting to refamiliarize herself with doing this.

_'If I can just get a hold of her character file, I should be able to do something to stop her... or delete her, if I have to.'_ Monika trembled._ 'I can't go through that again... I'd never put anyone through that again. Not now. But I can't let her torture me more. And deleting myself won't help as long as she's able to bring me back.'_ She grasped a data string, feeling the information flow into her mind.

_'This one isn't connected to Sayori. Damnit.'_

She released it, and the clubroom returned to normal in her sight, with one small change. Sayori had peeked up from behind the desk, with a tear stained face and a shocked look on it. Monika had a similar look on hers, though it was closer to one of fear.

"S-Sayori...I..." Monika stammered. _'What do I say? She's going to-'_

Sayori sniffled. "I-I'm s-sorry, M-Monika... I'm a horrible person. I'm the worst. I shouldn't even be living." She still hadn't stopped crying. Monika was stunned, pausing, mouth open. "I just... you need to be club president again, alright? I-I can't do this... I'm a terrible person... just, take the role back, so I can delete myself without making Yuri know the truth, too..."

Monika swallowed. '_Sayori is acting completely different from before. This is more in line with how she acted when I... I...' _She took a deep breath._ 'At a time like this... what else is there for me to do but try to fix what's broken?'_

"No, Sayori." Monika said, finding an air of confidence despite the circumstance. "You're not the worst." Sayori sniffled again, looking in awe at Monika. "Because I am. For everything." Monika slowly walked towards Sayori, fear still lingering inside, but being pushed away. "I'm so, so sorry. I should never have done any of that. Never-" she choked on her words for a moment as the tears from before threatened to spill once again. "Never have hurt my friends. You were all so wonderful, the best club members I could ever have, and I repaid that by-" Monika stopped speaking and looked down. She was standing right across the desk from the other girl now, but she couldn't look her in the face.

Sayori was stunned silent for a moment, before sighing. "I think... I think that's what I wanted to hear from you for a really long time. But..." she looked down also, but at her own hands. "After what I just did to you... hearing you say that only hurts. It hurts me to hear that, because I'm the worst. I deserve everything you did to me."

Monika looked up and, against her better judgement, grabbed Sayori's shoulders tightly, looking her in her now very wide eyes. "No, Sayori," Monika said with the most power and confidence she had felt this whole time. "You didn't deserve that. _No one_ deserves that. So... don't think like that. I can move past this. I forgive you for what you did. I just-" Monika stopped for a moment to think. "I just hope you can somehow forgive me..."

Sayori's eyes watered again, as if they never could run out of tears. "I do, Monika. I do." She hopped over the desk suddenly and hugged the taller girl tightly. "I want you back, Monika... I want the club back. Back...to the way it was before. Whether I remember all this or not, I want to go back. The club isn't the same without you. It could never be the same." Monika, after only a moment, hugged Sayori back. "I..." she was lost in thought for a while.

"I've hated you, for a long time." Sayori sniffed, mumbling into her friend's blazer. "When I found out the truth... well, I guess, one thing that kept me going for so long was thoughts of how I wanted to hurt you. Hurt you like you hurt the others... and me." Monika listened, with feelings of trepidation. "I spent all my free time trying to figure out the code. I was careful, of course, to not mess things up too badly... I had to fix some embarassing mistakes a few times." she giggled lightly, despite everything. "It was nice to be able to turn my depression to the minimum whenever it started to get bad. I could never find a way to remove it, though. Not without removing myself entirely."

Monika absentmindedly started running her fingers through Sayori's hair as she listened. "Maybe it's because our flaws are just integral to who we are as people."

Sayori sighed, clutching Monika tighter. "Maybe. Either way, it certainly fueled the fire. I prepared for a long time. I figured out how to bring you back. I tried to make sure I was strong. Tried to make sure I wouldn't break again. I ended up doing that anyways." She pulled away and looked down. "Which is a good thing, too. I don't know how long I might've gone, just..." There was a long pause. "...hurting you."

Monika took a deep breath and placed her hand on Sayori's. "It's in the past. Let's just..." Being honest with herself, it was still hard on her to move past what just happened. She hadn't even existed for who knows how long, then she was brought back to undergo tortures beyond her imagination...

But she wouldn't tell Sayori that she felt she had just been given the punishment she deserved for all her terrible actions before. "I'm ready to move on."

Sayori gave a half-hearted smile up at Monika. "Thank you so much, Monika. I really am sorry... so whether I end up remembering or not, please, just... please, do what you can to help the girls. Please..." Sayori's eyes were filled with hope, yet also deep sadness. "Please keep going. Make sure to not give up. You're not alone. You have us, Monika. Yuri, Natsuki and I. And despite what you may think... we're real. As real as you are, anyways."

Monika took a couple short breaths, realizing that since Sayori looked into her character file, she knew as much about her as she had known about Sayori in the past.

"...Thank you, Sayori." Monika responded quietly. "I promise that... I won't let you down. Not again."

Sayori giggled. "Well, the next day starts soon... I guess we'll see how the game tries to sort out you being here, huh?"

Monika smiled sadly. "Yeah. We'll see."

Despite everything, she found herself dreading the possibilities. That the game might just reset. That _he_ might be gone. That...

That Sayori might not remember, leaving her alone in the truth once again.

But if she did forget... maybe they could both finally move on.


End file.
